Seriously. That is what she thought. My "super-cool, meticulously prepared, introductory handshake" was received as egotism. Well, maybe I was a little too self-aware. In fear of expected rejection, my first interaction with my future wife was apparently ostentatious.
She quickly walked away after meeting me, and I knew I had missed my opportunity. I felt stupid. I felt silly. I felt like a loser. Worship started and I hit my face. Literally, I punched myself in my left eye. Okay, so I didn't hit myself, though I felt like it, I did prostrate myself on the floor and asked God for help. I told him how dumb I felt, and that I wanted Him above anyone else. I remember it being a real powerful moment of worship for me.
Keila would tell me later that she saw me on my face and God spoke to her pretty clearly. He said, "That is what I like in a man. This is what I look for." She was like, "What?!!" "He is so arrogant!" But I'm telling my side of the story, not hers...so I'll just keep to my account. (Is that arrogant?)
After the service that night I sat in the basement of the church talking with my brother. We were talking about everything from ministry to Keila. He begged me to come and get pizza with everybody. I wasn't interested. I was pretty sure Keila didn't notice me and I couldn't bear feeling any more stupid. Derek won. He joined me in the car on the way to the pizza place.
"So, what'd you think?" He asked.
"Yeah...the music was great. I really like the songs you're doing." I replied, trying to keep the conversation safe.
"You're a moron. I'm talking about Keila, what'd you think of her?"
"She's nice." I said coldly.
"She's pretty, huh?" Derek asked, fishing for information.
"Yeah bro, she's gorgeous...which is exactly why I have no chance..." I quickly tried to change the subject, "so, did you catch the Dolphins game last week?"
I am a genius. The subject quickly changed to the Miami Dolphins. Randy McMichael was a rookie tight end who showed some promise. Maybe they have a shot this year. We agreed how much we hated the New England Patriots. Derek was like puddy in my hands. The Keila conversation would have to wait for later.
The pizza place was fun. When Keila showed up I really turned on the "cool" charm. I ignored her. I also tried to impress her with my amazing Miss Pac Man skills. I don't think either tactic worked. I left the pizza place that night having not said one word to Keila, and I still felt really stupid. Something in me was saying, "talk to her", another voice was saying, "run away!"
I was in the car with Derek again. My mother, sister, and, yep, you guessed, Keila, were in the car behind me. I was driving Derek to the hotel.
Derek asked, "So, what'd you think?"
"The Miss Pac Man controller was screwed up. I should have gotten a better score."
"You're an idiot. What'd you think of Keila?"
"She seems pretty awesome bro, but what should I do? I don't have a shot with her." I was trying to point out the obvious to Derek.
"You could try talking with her, that is always a good place to start." He is so smart.
"So you didn't think ignoring her was the wisest route?"
"Let me tell you Ben," Derek explained, "my girls love her. They get so excited when she babysits them. They call her their best friend. That is saying something."
I got serious with Derek, "She seems great man, I just don't want to get my heart in trouble again, you understand?"
"You should stay with me at the hotel tonight," he invited, "then you can see her again tomorrow."
At this point I knew two things, one, I wasn't going to stay at the hotel, and two, Keila was in the car behind me and I had one more shot at saying something before I left.
"Listen, I'm not going to stay at the hotel, but I will talk to her before I leave."
"Deal." Derek said as we pulled into the parking spot at the hotel.
My sister quickly pulled her car into the spot next to my left. So, as the driver of my vehicle, I got out right next to my sisters car. The passenger side door opened, and my heart started to beat. Here was my great chance. Unfortunately (no offense), it was my mom. She quickly blocked my way, and she had this huge silly grin. (It was silly, mom.)
"Did you have a good time tonight?" She asked, her silly grin getting bigger. I wasn't a moron. I knew she was talking about Keila. The problem was Keila got out of the door right behind the driver's seat and she was practically sprinting to the hotel. My heart was beating as I knew I only had a limited opportunity.
My mom hit the ground with a thud after I elbowed her on the forehead. It was justifiable, my future destiny was quickly exiting the scene, and my mother's timing was incredibly off. Okay, so I didn't elbow her in the head, but I did say, "excuse me," and squeezed myself past.
"Uhhh...Keila!" I called out, pretty certain my voice cracked. It wouldn't be the last time.
She stopped her race for the hotel. I'm pretty certain she pulled a muscle after the sudden directional change.
"Yes?" Wow, I thought, she says yes with such eloquence and dignity.
I extended my hand again to her. I was too frazzled from eluding my mother that I didn't have an opportunity to turn on the real cool Ben mode. I spoke with sincerity, "It was a real pleasure to meet you today."
Keila was silent shaking my hand. She would tell me months later that God spoke to her at this moment, "This is a man I trust, you can trust him. This is a man I love, you can love him."
I don't want to share too much of Keila's side of the story. However, I like to include the parts of the story that make me look great, because hey, I'm arrogant, right?
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