As the final few days of February went by, Keila traveled with my brother, sister, and a missions team to Turkey for a mission trip. It was ridiculous how absolutely nervous I was. Since we weren't communicating in any way at this point, my sister would write from various internet cafes filling me in on everything going on.
This was awful.
My future wife was in a foreign country. She was traveling with a missions team, which was dangerous. (My brother was arrested on one of the mission trips to Turkey. I never worried for my brother...but I was sure worried for Keila.) The weather and travel were terrible, and I discovered later that she was stranded with half the team on the roadside during a snow storm for hours. Thank God I was walking in faith, not facts at that point.
March 1. I had written the e-mail to Keila's parents days earlier. It now sat in my saved drafts folder. I was waiting to the morning to send it. The e-mail said something like this: (except in Spanish)
Dear Mr.& Mrs. Porta,
Greetings again from Ben. I'm writing today because March 1 is upon us, and according to the ministry rules, Keila is allowed to have relationships now. I'm not seeking permission to court her, I would like to meet you face to face first. However, I am writing for permission to build a relationship with her. May I write to her and speak to her on the phone?
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Ben
The words could have been slightly different, but the point was the same. I longed to begin building a deeper friendship with Keila, but I knew the importance of walking through this process hand in hand with her parents.
I waited for a response. It seemed like forever. (It was.) I started checking the e-mail incessantly. Every 5-10 minutes I would walk over and refresh the e-mail and find nothing. I also had an e-mail ready to send to Keila, I expected an immediate "yes"...but I wanted to wait.
It was late that night on March 1 when I began to feel that I must've sent the e-mail to the wrong address. What I expected to be an amazing day was quickly becoming a lousy one. I went to bed with no e-mail response from her parents and cried on my pillow as I asked the Lord what was going on.
"Trust Me." He whispered as I fell asleep.
The next morning I awoke and immediately went to the e-mail. Nothing. The whole day. Sadness stood at the doorway of my heart ringing the doorbell. Everytime I checked the e-mail to find nothing was like a louder ring.
I went asleep again that night to the same words from the Lord, "Trust Me."
The next morning I received an e-mail! From Keila! However, she was just as confused as me.
"What is going on?" She wrote to me, "Have you written to my parents? Why haven't you written me?"
I realized she was in Turkey waiting. Waiting for the e-mail I had already written but remained on my computer. Her e-mail was short. She wanted to continue to honor our commitment to honor our parents, but wanted to make sure I was alive.
I wrote her back a short reply, "I'm just waiting on your parents."
The wait would soon come to an end. That evening I received a response from her parents, and it wasn't what I expected. They asked us to wait a little longer. And by wait I mean continue to avoid long distance communication. (I was granted permission to seek travel information from Keila, and I sought as much info as I could think of.) However, what I longed for...an open line of communication with Keila...was not granted.
Let me add some thoughts here.
First, I've heard a lot of opinions about Keila's parents actions during this season. Maybe even as you read this chapter and the next you will develop an opinion of how the situation was handled. I have had people tell me that they couldn't have walked the path I walked. I would walk this path again and again and again. I walked this path for the Lord, my life is in His hands not those I submit myself to. I also walked this path for Keila, for it was the only way to her heart.
Second, let me share my heart about the word "wait" Can someone tell you to wait? Many people cannot handle a wait. When I was in college I heard a preacher speak about a tremendous ministry to addicts an ocean away. They described the need and they described the need for laborers. My heart burned within me. At the end of the message I responded with excitement as I was sure God wanted me to leave college and pursue this need. I approached the president of my school, Paul Johannson, and shared with him the beat of my heart.
What he said literally altered the course of my life, "Wait. Just wait Ben." He patted me on the back and walked on his way.
I stood there and knew what I was supposed to do...wait. The truth is a "wait" is always a "no" until the wait becomes a "go", then it's "yes". However, waiting for the go can seem like an eternity, and in some cases the go may never come. The go never came for me to go work with the addicts. What I felt that day beating in my heart was the heart of the Lord for me to serve Him in ministry, He just had other plans. Not long after that day in chapel, I was asked to come serve in a ministry in New York City, and it was there that God called me back home, and so on and so forth.
Isaiah 40:31 says, "But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
This whole season of waiting for Keila was all about trusting in the Lord, though people were the vehicle for the waiting. It reminds me of a regular occurence between Keila and I. We will be driving down the road on our way somewhere when someone cuts me off. This always irritates me and I immediately begin to get angry at the vehicle that is causing me to wait. Keila gently puts her hand on my arm and reminds me, "God is probably protecting us from something...He knows." Now I'm faced with a choice, get increasingly frustrated at the vehicle causing me to wait, or sit back and enjoy the journey.
On March 3, 2003, I had a decision to make. Was I going to react and get angry at the vehicle (Keila's parents) that were causing me to wait or was I going to sit back and enjoy the journey...knowing that my trust was in God. I chose to sit back and enjoy the journey and a great journey it turned out to be!
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