My Wife (Chapter 10: Lunch at Crossgates)

I was dying all night and all the next morning. What was going on here? Was this all for real?

The meeting with Pastor Rick was set up for 1 pm. I woke up around 6:30 am, and experienced that incredibly long morning sensation that only hits you on important exciting days. I think I tried to eat breakfast, like, 7 or 8 times. I managed to succeed once and miraculously kept the food down.

I wish I could explain why I was so nervous. I knew that Keila and I were both interested in the pursuit of God's will. I was certain that I knew what I wanted God's will to be. But what if a "no" still came? What if I saw Pastor Rick and he said to me, "What? Are you crazy? She is a nutcase!"? Or "You are a nutcase! No way!" (The latter was to be expected...and maybe after almost 4 years of marriage Keila would agree).

I called my friend, Kris, and he agreed to travel with me to the mall. It was important for me to have someone there for the support in case a "nutcase" was used in my conversation. The trip to the mall took unusually long. The weather was awful, another blizzard, and had it been any other day I would've questioned my sanity on being on the roads. However, the decision to travel to the mall was completely intelligent that day, though my decision 3 months earlier not to put snow tires on my car didn't seem so wise as we slipped and slid our way to Crossgates.

Eventually we arrived and right on time! Actually, we were an hour early, and the day continued to drip by. We walked through the music store five times. I walked through the arcade seven times. At one point I actually ran into some of Pastor Rick's family.

"Hey, Ben! How are you?"

(To this day I have no idea who they were, I just knew they were my gateway to Pastor Rick.)

"Hey! I'm great!" I got right to the point, "Where's your dad?"

I didn't sense any offense at my forwardness.

"Oh...he is around here somewhere...look for his hat."

Another family member added, "Yeah...he is wearing a new hat he got for Christmas...you won't miss him."

"Oh really?" I quickly looked at every person within my perspective. I couldn't see any hats out of the ordinary.

I began wandering away without saying goodbye...thank God Kris was there to pick up all my loose ends. I saw him quickly involve himself in conversation. (He wasn't wearing a hat.)

I walked around for another 8 hours...I mean, 15 minutes...and then I saw Pastor Rick making his way toward the food court. His hat was pretty extraordinary.

"Pastor Rick?!" I called out...I was probably 75 feet away with about 50 people between us. He didn't acknowledge me.

I decided to regain my composure and strolled quickly through the crowd. I slowed down before I reached him so as to not knock him over.

"Hey Pastor Rick!" Wow...that was loud.

"Hi Ben, how are you?" I forgot how nice he was...probably the nicest in the world.

"I'm good...a little nervous...but good."

"Have you been here long?"

"Not too long. How about you? How are you?"

We caught up briefly with each other's life as we sat down in a couple chairs near the large windows in the food court at Crossgates. We quickly left the small talk behind, and I recognized the change of conversation coming when Pastor Rick sat up in his chair and began to orchestrate his words.

"So...Ben...Derek called me yesterday. He asked that I meet with you at your request. How can I help you?"

I knew it was all on me at this point. And I tried as articulately as possible to spell out chapters 1 through 9. Pastor Rick spent most of the time nodding politely. I don't remember any smiles, any emotion, actually anything. I was blind with emotion and any idea of articulation was lost when I opened my mouth. I don't know how I made any sense. I was just happy he knew I was talking about Keila.

When I felt I had finished my rather long monologue of my life and how God led me to this point, I fell silent. Don't take me wrong, I could have easily continued to talk...but I knew that if I wasn't quiet, he may never speak. I could see him searching his heart for the words as I sat there and stared...I was sure "nutcase" was soon to follow.

"Ben, I want to start by saying this. Keila has lived with my family now...(he was adding in his head)...about 4 months. We have had many different people live with us over the years, and most of the stays have been positive. However, Keila has been different. I can honestly say, I have not seen one negative thing in her at all. She is a wonderful person and has proven herself to be of high character."

"So...you think I am making a good choice?"

Our conversation lasted about an hour. I became excited as we outlined some next steps that I was to take. They involved communication with her parents, trying to plan a trip to Guatemala, and making opportunities to see her over the next several months.

Now, one thing that I was facing was the rules Keila was facing as part of her volunteer program she was part of. One rule that was facing us was that Keila couldn't have a courting or dating relationship for six months. That meant that Keila and I couldn't pursue an exclusive relationship until March 1, almost two months from this time. So near the end of our conversation, I had to ask how I could approach our communication over the next 2 months (we lived four hours apart).

"Oh..." I remember thinking this shouldn't be that big of deal, "Can I write Keila e-mails, letters, or even call her?"

He was quiet for about 2 seconds, "No. Let's wait for you to build your relationship with her family."

"Okay." I responded right away...there would be grace for this, I knew it.

"Now," Pastor Rick continued, "we should still make plans for you to see each other several times over the next several months."

"I should see her in a couple of weeks for Excel, and then maybe early February?"

"No problem...sounds good."

We got up from the table and gave each other a hug. I think he knew that it was God at that moment, but he really guarded what he said. We agreed to stay in touch and we parted ways.

Kris and I got back in the car and headed back to my parents where Keila was anxiously waiting.

It was January 3, 2003...our wedding in Guatemala would be exactly a year later, January 3, 2004.